When Babies Arrive and Parents Aren’t Together: What You Need to Know

When Babies Arrive and Parents Aren’t Together: What You Need to Know

Sometimes relationships end during pregnancy. Sometimes parents were never together in the first place.

And sometimes everything feels brand new, confusing and emotional when a baby is only days or weeks old.

At Milk De La Milk, we regularly support mums, dads, parents and co-parents trying to figure out how to share time with a newborn, especially when breastfeeding is involved. So here’s a simple guide for parents navigating this tricky stage.

Newborns Need Their Feeding Parent Close

In the first 6–8 weeks, babies feed a lot  usually around 8–12+ times in 24 hours.

They don’t run to a schedule, they don’t wait politely, and they don’t do long stretches away from the person who feeds them.

This isn’t personal. It’s biology.

Staying close helps babies regulate their temperature, breathing, stress levels, and feeding patterns

(UNICEF explains this beautifully in Building a Happy Baby.)

For the feeding parent, long gaps between feeds can lead to pain, engorgement, blocked ducts and mastitis, and can reduce milk supply.

That’s why in the very early weeks, long separations generally don’t work well for anyone.

Does the father/second parent have parental responsibility?

In England & Wales:

• The birth mother automatically has parental responsibility (PR).

• The father/second parent has PR if:

– married to the mother at the time of birth, or

– named on the birth certificate.

• There is no legal requirement for a mother to name a father on the birth certificate.

• Even when both parents have PR, that does not mean one parent can insist on taking a very young breastfed baby for long periods against the other parent’s wishes.

The law looks at the welfare of the child above everything else (Children Act 1989).

And a newborn’s welfare includes their feeding needs, safety, and the health of their feeding parent.

So what does contact look like in the early weeks?

Most parents find things work best when:

• The non-feeding parent spends lots of time with the baby in the feeding parent’s home

• Cuddling, nappy changes, skin-to-skin, bath, and soothing are all lovely bonding opportunities

• Contact builds gradually as baby grows, feeding becomes more predictable and everyone feels more confident

This approach supports both parents’ relationships with the baby while protecting feeding and recovery.

What about formula, can’t we “just do a bottle”?

Some families choose to combine feeding, and that’s totally okay when well-supported.

But it’s important to know:

• Formula does not contain the antibodies and immune protection found in breastmilk

• Babies fed formula have slightly higher risks of tummy bugs, chest infections and ear infections

• Missed breastfeeds or early formula top-ups can reduce milk supply

• Formula must be prepared and sterilised very carefully to keep baby safe

No judgement, just the facts so parents can make informed decisions together.

What if we’re really struggling to agree?

Break-ups around the time of birth are incredibly emotional.

Mediation can help parents talk things through with support from someone neutral.

Parenting plans can also be useful, even if parents were never together.

If things become difficult or you’re worried about a plan that affects feeding or your wellbeing, you can seek proper legal advice.

And remember…

You don’t have to navigate this alone.

we can help you with with:

• expressing

• managing separation

• storage and transport of milk

• sore breasts, engorgement or mastitis concerns

• protecting supply

• feeding worries in the early days

And we’re here to listen, whatever your situation looks like.

Marion Frey-AlQurashi Mindful Breastfeeding Practitioner